I’m Broken!…The Ordinary Moments

It’s Saturday night and I’ve collapsed on the sofa, exhausted. Not physically exhausted, but emotionally! It’s been a long week of testing times. Alice has turned into an emotional mess, she doesn’t know how to handle all these feelings she has inside and it’s pouring out of her in all the wrong ways.

Alice is the most well behaved little girl 95% of the time. But just recently the anger she has, because she doesn’t know how to control her feelings is hard to watch and even harder to deal with. She doesn’t listen, she doesn’t respond to anything and she lashes out.

I feel helpless and lost at how to help her. No discipline seems to work, because when she is in the moment its like she can’t hear me. She doesn’t care about anything. I can threaten to take away toys that she loves, she tells me to do it. I can tell her there will be no treats for a week and she laughs. I can tell her she won’t go somewhere that we planned to go to and she says ‘good’. Nothing touches her.

Once she has calmed down and is out of the moment. She will ask if the can play with the toy I took away, or she will make a comment about how she is looking forward to going to the place I told she was no longer going to. She looks at me as if she has no recollection that it happened. She then bursts into tears and we are back to square one.

It’s exhausting.

Tonight I plaited her hair after bath time, so that in the morning it would be all wavy. She loved it, she sat so still and patiently while I did it. We had story time and I put her to bed. Then she is shouting for me and the minute I walk in her room, I know the switch has been flipped. She screams she doesn’t want her plaits in and pulls them all out. Then she wants them back in and its continues like this. She eventually calms down and I redo her hair. She says sorry and goes to sleep. It’s draining!

And whilst this is going on, Holly is in her room getting out of bed every 10 seconds. This happens every nap and every bedtime, it’s exhausting and frustrating. In the evenings Andy and I tag team with putting her back in. I know it’s just a phase, but when you are in that phase it’s pretty bad.

I’m broken, I feel like it’s beaten me this week.

Last night I went out to an event an Alice’s school, I was really looking forward to it and I really wanted to go. But as the day arrived, so did my anxiety. As it got closer to me leaving I could feel myself getting more and more anxious about it, whilst also looking forward to going. It’s a strange mixture of emotions and I have to force myself not to cancel at times. I won’t let myself, I won’t let it beat me.

The emotional effort it takes for me to go on a night out like this, makes me exhausted the next day. Which makes it harder to be the parent I want to be. It all just feeds into each and there is no break when you are a parent.

This week has broken me and whilst at the moment I feel like I have no strength to go on. I know that in the morning I will get up and do it all again. Because that is what we do, we pick ourselves up and try to move past these feelings. I will continue to help Alice, to talk to her and try to understand where this is coming from. Because I want my happy, beautiful daughter back.

This week I am broken, but I will piece myself back together…

Joining Katie and Donna for The Ordinary Moments

Follow:
Share this:

14 Comments

  1. 05/03/2017 / 07:18

    Oh Laura
    I hear you. I can promise you that you aren’t alone, not that this makes it any better but I have the same.
    My eldest is emotional but that’s due to school stress and he’s older so we can chat about it.
    Zak, my middle one however, sounds like Alice.
    It’s a mixture of attention seeking (any attention is better than none – which I don’t get because despite having 3 I still manage to split my time evenly between them all) tiredness (school exhausts him) and learning to deal with his emotions that are coming into play.
    It’s rubbish and I can relate to all you’ve said.
    You’re a fab mum and just being there for Alice is all you can do. Sometimes just giving them time out in their room until they’re calm is all that works for me. That way I don’t get quite so angry either.
    Sending love and always here to chat xxx
    Gemma Nuttall recently posted…Pick your Poison: Gin & Juice CocktailMy Profile

  2. 05/03/2017 / 08:24

    Oh bless you, being a parent is so flipping hard isn’t it? J is going through a seriously testing time at the moment and I just don’t have the energy. Sometimes us parents need a time out, see if you can spare an hour for coffee one evening away from it all and then you can come back relaxed and recharged ready to face it all (I have o say when I get to that point it definitely works for me) x #TheOrdinaryMoments
    Sherry recently posted…Pancakes {Ordinary Moments 5/3/17}My Profile

  3. 05/03/2017 / 10:08

    Aw Laura, i feel for you because we have phases with Brandon like this. he is a pretty emotional kid and its like he completely changes when hes having one of these moments. he has semi come out of the phase after a few weeks but you are right, it is mentally draining. i just feel like nothing i say or do has any impact at all. did you enjoy yourself at the event in the end? i have to push myself too to go out. i just feel comfortable being home now.

  4. Oh Laura that’s a tough week. You’re not alone and it’s absolutely just a phase they go through at this age when they start to realise how deep the emotions go and they just don’t have the brain space to control them. I read somewhere that if an adult is a house, with the downstairs for all the ordinary things and the upstairs to handle emotions, kids are a bungalow – there isn’t as much space and if the emotions start to build then the only way for them to go is straight up the chimney! It’s not that that they don’t want to control their emotions than that they simply can’t – so often the only thing to do is to sit nearby and say that you’re there when they’re ready for a cuddle – it seems to help mine work through it faster than trying to reason. Telling myself that it isn’t personal, she doesn’t mean it and she’s scared helped me keep my temper under control too!
    Carie @ Space for the Butterflies recently posted…Picnics in the rainMy Profile

  5. Amelia @ Oh Little One Sweet
    05/03/2017 / 12:15

    Oh Laura I really feel for you. Sounds like a really tough week. I know exactly how you feel and this parenting journey can be so testing at times can’t it? I know how frustrated I can feel when F won’t listen to me- it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall. And I find discipline can be so hard, I get really cross and then get mad at myself for losing my temper. If it’s any consolation, we’ve had a pretty bad week here so don’t feel alone in feeling like this. Here’s to a better week this week- they go through these funny phases and I’m sure it’ll pass quickly xx

  6. 05/03/2017 / 12:37

    Oh I can really relate to a lot of this post. It’s really hard for little ones to even understand their big feelings. I know with Mabel when she’s really fractious like this it’s a sign that something else is bothering her that she doesn’t know how to put into words. It’s really hard to know what it is sometimes though and all you can do is guess. You are doing a fantastic job and Alice will come through this phase soon enough xx
    Louise | Squished Blueberries recently posted…A Princess Bath | The Ordinary MomentsMy Profile

  7. 05/03/2017 / 23:43

    It can be so hard when you don’t know where the lovely child has gone and why the switch flips. Thankfully it’s fairly rare for N, and a sharp word does the trick. But age 4 he was all about the’don’t care’ if I suggested something was taken away. He still says it occasionally now, but usually backtracks pretty smart because he realises he’s just being lippy.

    Has she seen you upset/cry with you explaining to her that it’s what she’s said or done that has made you feel that way? Not the best parenting tip ever maybe if they’re really sensitive (ie you’re basically blaming them), but N told me he wanted me dead and various other delights, and he wouldn’t listen to what I was saying so I ended up in tears. It doesn’t happen often and it really shocked him. He’s never said anything like that since.

    We’ve just started doing a joint gratitude journal. Well, N decided he was joining in. If Alice likes drawing and writing, maybe try one for her, or for the family to fill in. Might be a way to distract her/lighten things.

    But it sounds like what you’re doing in keeping talking, asking and answering, and trying to get her to share her thoughts, is the way forward.

  8. 06/03/2017 / 08:07

    I feel for you. I’ve just read this after my grandson got so upset when his mum left him here this morning, I cried too. Go away Nanny are three words that are so hard to hear. We want them to be happy so it breaks our heart. The important thing is that you are there when she calms down. If it gets to you walk away. Give her a few minutes and try again. Xx
    Bear and Cardigan recently posted…Miss Treadway and The Field of Stars – Miranda Emmerson. Book ReviewMy Profile

  9. 06/03/2017 / 11:45

    Laura, bless you, i just want to give you a big hug. You are not alone my lovely. out of my three, Ollie is my very emotional one, and even though i know this, and expect his outbursts now, it doesn’t make them any easier – and I don’t handle them any better, even though I tell myself I will. He has got better as he’s got older – but there were times when I would just cry after he had gone to bed. It is just another stage and you will all get through it. I totally get the anxiety too – I’m very much the same, I have to force myself out of my comfort zone too. I hope this week is easier on you – lots of love xxx
    Gemma recently posted…{Living Arrows 2017} #8My Profile

  10. 07/03/2017 / 08:25

    Oh gosh. I can relate so much. Both A and T flip at times from being amazing little people to being horrible creatures that I hardly recognise. I just have to tell myself it’s just a phase, that they’ll grow out of it and I often walk away for five minutes before carrying on again. -hugs- it really isn’t easy x
    Donna recently posted…Chewy Moon Review and Giveaway!My Profile

  11. 07/03/2017 / 22:09

    Oh gosh lovely I just want to give you a big hug. Parenting is such a learning curve and one we could definitely do with an instruction manual for!! Sending love #ordinarymoments x
    Natalie recently posted…World Book Day 2017My Profile

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge