I should be in bed sleeping, but I can’t switch off and I am writing this hoping to make it go away and I can get some sleep…
It started with a text from a friend arranging a play date, something exciting and to look forward to. I went to pop it in my calendar and there it was staring back at me…’School Application Day’! The day that we will find out which school Alice will go to in September.
I can’t believe that it’s nearly that time and next week I will know the outcome of filling in that dreaded application form. Trying every day not to think about if we have made the right choices and what we will do if they don’t happen.
But, what really makes me sad about that day, is having to accept that we are on the rollercoaster to Alice going to school. That I don’t have that many months left with both my girls at home with me.
Yes, I moan about them and how relentless it can be with two children, someone constantly needing me. But when Andy is at work it is just the three of us and we are a little threesome for a lot of the time.
We have our daily routine and we all know where we are with it. Yes, some days we are rushing out the door to get Alice to pre-school, but she doesn’t go every day and it doesn’t really matter if we are late. But that will all change in September and it will matter about being there on time.
I won’t be able to be spontaneous and decide we are going out for the day. Pack a bag and jump in the car. I will have to save that for the holidays. Alice has school holidays now at preschool, but it’s not the same. If we don’t want to send Alice on any day for any reason we don’t have too and we can take our family holiday when we want.
That will all change…
I worry about if she is going to be ready by September, I know she thinks she is, as she talks about going to big school all the time. Every time we go to the shoe shop, she picks out which school shoes she is going to have.
But, who will help her at lunchtime if she can’t manage to cut up her food? who will help her reach for the taps in the toilet? All these questions are whirling around my mind. I am trying to get her ready, most mornings she can put her own clothes on, its just the tricky tights she struggles with.
I worry about how tired she is going to be at the end of each day and week. Alice doesn’t sleep well at the moment and I can help her tiredness by what we do each day. But, soon I won’t.
It’s a big world out there and whilst I want my girls to experience everything and have the best life possible and dream big. I also know that the world can be a cruel place and I want to protect her from it for as long as I can.
I’m not quite ready for the daily school run, the endless events at school, parents evening, washing and ironing school uniform.
I just want my little girl to stay home with me for a little bit longer…