On Monday an email will arrive into my inbox telling me which school my little Holly will be going to in September. You would think that as she is my second child to go through this process, it would be easier and less emotional. But it’s not, its just different.
When we went through this with Alice we had put as our first choice a school that we weren’t in catchment for. It was a big risk, it made me feel physically sick with worry. But I knew it was the right decision, as it was the school that had won me over when we did the school visits. It was unexpected, it wasn’t the path I thought we would take.
But from the minute I walked into the school I knew it was right for Alice and when I walked into the school that I thought I would love, I knew it was all wrong for Alice. I learnt that whilst you can read all the reports, listen to all the other parents tell you about this school and that school. For me what really matters is, is it a school that is right for my daughter.
This school was and still is. When we got the email letting us know Alice was accepted, I cried of course. But quickly my mind turned to Holly, as we knew that by putting down this school it would mean a house move for us to ensure that Holly got in. We couldn’t take the risk of being out of catchment. Plus we wanted to move, to be part of the village and to have a better life for us and the girls.
After all this, the worry with Alice’s application, moving house to be within catchment, you would be wondering why I’m emotional and worrying. It’s because I know that the application process isn’t straight forward, there are so many factors that are considered and I do know children that go to a different school to their sibling. I mean how logistical would you be able to do this?
Andy tells me all the time to stop worrying, we live less than a mile from the school, we have a sibling there. There is nothing else we could’ve done. And yes this is all true, but I do worry and I will worry until that email arrives telling us the news.
Then there is the emotional side. My baby girl, my last baby who I adore having at home. She is no trouble, she is good at entertaining herself and she is just the best company. We have a lovely week, where most weeks look the same. But we both love it. We do swimming together, ballet class and she enjoys her preschool twice a week. I don’t want this to change.
I’m not ready for a quiet house 5 days a week. To not hear the words ‘Mama’ called a hundred times a day and whilst I get annoyed at times and crave some quiet time. I still want to have my baby girl with me.
It was different when Alice started school, she had me to herself for 2 years before Holly came along and when she went to school, I told myself that it was now Holly’s turned to have me to herself. It was my way of rationalising it in my head. But with Holly going, there will be no one to have me to themselves. There is no way of making this easier for me to deal with.
I’m just going to miss my little sidekick.
When Sunday night comes I will be tossing and turning just like I was 2 years ago. Unable to sleep my mind whirling around, going through every possible scenario. It definitely isn’t any easier second time around.