This time last year was one of the saddest days of my life, but also a day that brought me some comfort. As today is the first anniversary of my nan passing away and as I sit to write this the tears are already rolling down my cheeks.
I don’t think that I will ever get used to my wonderful nan not being in my life. She was such a big part of my life and in fact at times I mourn her more now than I did immediately after she passed away. Because as time has gone on, I don’t look back at the period just before she passed away, where she was incredibly old and it really was her time to go. I look back a few years ago when she was still the nan she always was.
The nan that knew me the best. She was the one that I knew I could phone and she would totally understand me. We would have the most amazing chats, laugh at the same things and put the world to rights. It this that I miss.
Alice still talks about great nan and she will always be a part of our family. A few weeks ago the girls and I were planting our sunflower seeds, something I did every year and would race my nan to have the tallest one. I love sharing this story with my girls.
My nan was the one that brought the family together, the one person we all admired and loved. We came together to say goodbye to her and it was day spent remembering the good times. Sharing our favourite stories of a wonderful woman.
And whilst over this past year, nan has never been far from my thoughts. There has also been some good that has come of her passing away. Something that I know my nan will be looking down on with a smile. She will have been watching me and my cousin build our relationship again.
A cousin that I spent my whole childhood growing up and at one point we were inseparable. Always counting down to the next school holiday that I could go and stay with them, or our next visit to see nan as she lived in the same road as her. As we became teenagers we would write to each other in between the visits and I still have these letters, they are hilarious to read back.
We had a ‘bump’ in our relationship and we’ve not been in contact for a longtime. But that is all behind us now, which weirdly is down to nan passing away. It brought us together and gave us the chance to see each other. I think my nan always knew this would happen and would make comments to me about it when she was alive.
This last year has been about getting to know each other’s families and reconnecting. It’s been lovely to spend time with her again and to have random chats online. My girls love her already and her son was brilliant with them. We’ve managed to meet up a few times and we are seeing them again in a few weeks time. We are definitely making up for lost time.
We’re very similar and love a lot of things the same. In the summer we’re off to Friendsfest together and we’re both very excited about it. Spending time with her recently has made me realise how much I missed her.
Whilst my nan passing away will always be hard for me to get over and something I probably never will get over. I know that she will love that something good came from it, something that I wish I could have given her whilst she was alive to see. But sadly that can’t be and I take comfort that wherever she is, she is watching. Probably laughing that it was her that brought us back together.
To my nan thank you for leaving me with a gift when you left us…the gift of new beginnings, friendship and family.